Ranking the Standards Dutch v American

Ranking the Standards

17 May, 2013

Coming to the Netherlands from the US, I had trouble adapting to certain Dutch standards.

But having just visited the US, there are plenty of American standards that are clearly inferior. Maybe it’s time to set the record straight. 

Take for example the Dutch standard of counting. They still say their numbers with the 1's then the 10's. Hence, 24 is ‘4-and-twenty,’ which I can never say without thinking of medieval blackbirds. When Dutch people try to give you their phone numbers, it quickly gets ridiculous:

’06..’
I write down 06.

‘4 and fifty.’

I write down 45. ERASE! I go back and write it properly: 54.

‘6 and thirty.’

I write down 63. ERASE! Sorry: 36.

‘7’

That’s easy: 7.
‘3...’
I write down 3.

‘…times zero.’

ERASE! 

Hopeless.

USA 1, NED 0

But then there’s the American standard of giving the date: Month/Day/Year. Why do it our of order? 

That’s like saying Winter/Summer/Spring. Even the US customs system has given in to the international standard: Day/Month/Year.

Point Nederland.

USA 1, NED 1

Quotation marks. I don’t really care if you use the standard ‘single’ or “double.”  But do use them. Too many Dutch children’s books have little or random quotation marks. When I'm reading to my kids, I just sound stupid.

‘The farmer has chickens said Janneke. I like chickens said Jip.’

My kids protest that I’m not doing the voices right. 

'No I’m not kids, because there’s no punctuation. Good luck learning to read.'

Point America.

USA 2, NED 1

In buildings, there should be no such thing as 'Floor 0.' Do you count to ten by starting at zero? No. So why count floors that way? And by the way, they’re floors. The Dutch term verdiepingen refers to ‘going deep,’ while actually you’re climbing higher. No wonder MC Escher was Dutch. Point America.

USA 3, NED 1

But then we come to terminology. When the Dutch want a cola, they order a ‘cola.’ Try that in the US:

‘I’d like a cola.’
‘A cola? You mean like Coca-Cola?’

‘Yes.’

‘We don’t have Coca-Cola.’

‘What do you have?’
‘Pepsi.’

‘Which is a…?’

‘Cola.’

‘Which is why I ordered a cola.’

Point Nederland.

USA 3, NED 2

When the Dutch want a taxi, they order a ‘taxi.’ In the US, you get a taxi, OR you ‘get a cab.’ It’s not just that this term is outdated. It’s that the term refers to the front seat of a vehicle - where passengers are not supposed to sit. In most countries I’ve visited, if you try getting into the front seat, you’re probably a criminal. Ironically, the Netherlands is one of the few countries where it IS okay to sit in the front. And they still don’t say ‘cab.’

Point Nederland.

USA 3, NED 3

When Dutch people aim a cameraphone at you, they don’t ‘take a picture,’ they ‘make a picture.’ The Dutch way makes more makes sense. When Americans say ‘I want to take a picture,’ I always think of the tribespeople, who are afraid of the camera taking their souls. Either that, or I think of ‘Airplane,’ when the reporter says ‘Let’s take some pictures,’ and they steal the photos from the walls.

Nederland in the lead!

USA 3, NED 4

But then again, Dutch people don’t know how to make a decision. That’s because Dutch people don’t make a decision; they take a decision. Apparently, if you can’t make up your mind, you need to take a decision – most likely from someone else. This subject is especially tricky with Dutch politics. Ask the Dutch to make a decision about the economy, and they’ll take their decision from, say, Germany.
USA 4, NED 4

George W. Bush once said, ‘The French don’t have a word for entrepreneur.’  The Dutch, meanwhile, have multiple words for entrepreneur: ZZPer and ondernemer.  But ondernemer translates to ‘undertaker,’ which is just weird. 

No points.

USA 4, NED 4

The Dutch still haven’t come up with a decent term for ‘significant other.’ I’ve met too many Dutch men my age, who still don’t know how to refer to the female partner they’ve been living with for 10 years.

‘This is my… girlfriend.’

‘How long have you been dating?’

‘We’re not dating, we live together. She’s like my wife.’

‘How long have you been married?’

‘We’re not married… she’s my partner.’

‘So you’re in business?’

‘We’re not in business. She’s my …baby mama?’

Dutch people, you invented the term samenwonen. You really should figure out what to call the person you’re spending your life with. 

Point America.

USA 5, NED 4.

Americans have ‘gas stations,’ where you can get gasoline. But now you can also get natural gas. And anything you eat from there will give you gas. The term ‘gas station’ is terribly unspecific. The Dutch have ‘tank stations,’ which is only confusing if you’re driving a tank.

Point Nederland.

USA 5, NED 5.

Dutch people have ‘mobile numbers’ for their mobile phones. Americans have ‘cell numbers’ for their cellular phones - which is like saying 'molecular phones.' I know 'cellular' refers to the infrastructure, but the abbreviation is 'cell,' which is intolerable. When I give my American friends my ‘mobile number,’ they laugh at me, like I’m the idiot. Mobile number only means 1 thing: mobile phone number. Cell number only means 1 thing: you are in prison.

USA 5, NED 6

I’m sure there are more examples, but as of now it’s the Netherlands with more common-sense standards than the Yanks. If you’re like me, you’ll try to convert the Americans to say ‘taxi’ and ‘cola’ and ‘mobile number.’ Of course, it can be confusing. Just go your gang.