Zwarte Piet on Trial - May I Speak for the Defense?

Zwarte Piet on Trial - May I Speak for the Defense?

It’s like ‘Sinterklaas in July!’ Why on earth are Dutch people talking about ‘Zwarte Piet’ in the middle of summer? Because – like it or not – the Zwarte Piet debate is not going away, and this year it may have reached critical mass. This week, an Amsterdam court ruled that Zwarte Piet – in its current appearance – is officially ‘a negative stereotype which is offensive to black people.’ And the debate rages on. 

http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2014/07/amsterdam_mayor_told_to_recons.php

BUT – as the debate again gets overheated - I propose this: Let’s say Zwarte Piet is NOT racist. And yet – as more and more Dutch people seem to be realizing - Zwarte Piet is bad for business.

As an American, I know I’m hardly one to criticize. Our nation’s capital has a football team named after Native Americans’ skin color, and the team owners’ response is ‘What’s offensive about that?’
And then there's the Cleveland baseball team, which inspires this compromise on Zwarte Piet:

And yes, America has Santa Claus and Elves – which may be offensive to obese people and short people (as many Dutch people have replied on Twitter). More to the point: many Dutch tweets argue they shouldn't have to sacrifice their time-honored traditions to accommodate politically correct newcomers like me. And I agree. 

So please, Nederland, keep Zwarte Piet. Don’t sacrifice this celebration of innocence and joy. But – since more and more of the world is now watching – you do have to explain a few things.

What do I tell my child when she points at the black delivery guy and says ‘Zwarte Piet?’

What do I tell my potential business partner, when Dutch people in a café laugh at him for being offended because he’s black?

What do I tell the rest of the world when the Dutch Prime Minister makes a joke – while hosting President Obama - that black people should love dressing as Zwarte Piet because ‘they don’t have to put on makeup?’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6ahnNZvW5k

If you’re new to this discussion, you may not realize the special place Zwarte Piet holds in many Dutch people’s hearts. This past week a UN fact-finding party ‘was “surprised” that so many people do not understand the “problem” with Zwarte Piet.’ http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2014/07/un_working_party_surprised_the.php

I’m married to a Dutch woman, and she opened my eyes to the way that Sinterklaas and his sidekick represent virtue and decency. I then opened her eyes to how the rest of the world sees Zwarte Piet, and she’s now an anti-ZwartePiet activist. 

Is it possible for more Dutch people to see themselves from an outsider’s perspective? Not yet. I remember a science fiction film, where hideous aliens emit a substance that makes humans think they’re adorable. Zwarte Piet seems to emit a similar substance that makes Dutch people think he couldn’t possibly be offensive to anyone.

The UN party issued a statement noting a ‘lack of knowledge about the history’ of the Dutch contribution to slavery. And they may have a point, in that recently the Dutch government completely de-funded the NiNsee national Slavery Institute. And yet, from some of the online comments, it seems Dutch people know their past damn well. Here’s just one of many angry tweets:
'My ancestors were the ones forcing your ancestors onto the boats. Those were the days. Now you people have too much freedom.' – Jan Pelleboer (Twitter)

So yes, Nederland, keep Zwarte Piet. But realize you’re aligning yourself with this guy.
(And again, as an American, I also have plenty of racists in my country.) (But I don’t insist on dressing up in a Confederate Flag for holidays).

As I was taught in the Dutch assimilation course, one of the pillars of Dutch society is common-sense pragmatism and compromise. But somehow there’s an exception with Zwarte Piet. Ask any crowd of Dutch people (as I’ve done for years in live shows at Boom Chicago theater), and they will swear that Zwarte Piet’s face is black from ‘coming down the chimney.’ If that’s the case, then there’s an obvious question: 

Why not change the blackface to soot?

As a humble outsider, and a fan of Dutch values, I’ve been suggesting for years that Dutch culture is better than this. Changing the blackface to soot-face is such as easy compromise. It’s un-Dutch NOT to compromise. And now more Dutch celebrities are arguing for compromise as well: Paul de Leeuw, Anouk, Marc-Marie Huybregts. Last year, Amsterdam Mayor Eberhard van der Laan has suggested replacing blackface with soot. And with the court order demanding a review of this year’s parade, he might enact it.

Nederland, the world is watching. The world is not demanding that anyone completely sacrifice their most beloved traditions. The world is only wondering why you don’t live up to your own values.

How to Be Orange CHAPTER 11- SINT’S LITTLE HELPER

Excerpt 'How to Be Orange,' 2013 - 

CHAPTER 11- SINT’S LITTLE HELPER
‘You’re only here because you’re black.’

- Johan Cruyff to Edgar Davids

As a comedian, I love Zwarte Piet. Black Pete is good for business. Santa Claus has his elves; Sinterklaas has his negers. Some people say Zwarte Piet is racist, such as the group of people who protested the annual Sinterklaas parade with T-shirts saying ‘Zwarte Piet is Racisme.’ Of course, the cops arrested them. …Otherwise people might have noticed!

I remember a science fiction film, where the aliens emit a substance that makes humans thinks they’re adorable, instead of hideous. Zwarte Piet seems to emit a similar substance that works specifically on Dutch people.

For years, I’ve been performing shows at Boom Chicago Comedy Theater, making jokes about Zwarte Piet. The most entertaining bit is always after the show, when Dutch people passionately argue that Zwarte Piet is not really black. They insist: ‘It’s the soot from the chimney’ that gives Zwarte Piet his red lips, hoop earrings and afro.

I was invited to sit on a panel to discuss Zwarte Piet, and I said yes. The event was called ‘Zwart van Roet’ (black from soot). The panel was hosted by Quinsy Gario, the founder of ‘Zwarte Piet is Racisme.’ He’s also the one who was arrested – and beaten – for wearing his T-shirt at that Sinterklaas parade. Was he bitter? A little.

I decided to share my story about Zwarte Piet. It’s the same story I tell in the Zwarte Piet show at Boom Chicago. My kids are half-Dutch, and they love Zwarte Piet, But it got awkward when he came to our door.

My wife is Dutch, and – according to her – we celebrate Sinterklaas in the ‘traditional Dutch way.’ That is to say, we do it as simply as possible. We get a sack full of presents and we give it to the neighbor. The neighbor waits five minutes and drops the sack at our door. He rings the doorbell and runs away. The kids then open the door and – even though there’s no one there – they scream and cheer with glee. It’s the most cost-efficient theatrical trick ever devised. No costumes, no actors, just a sack of props and a huge result. Leave it to the Dutch.

One year, when my daughter was three, we finished dinner early and got ready for presents and pakjesavond. It was almost 6 o’clock, it was already dark, and – before my wife could say ‘Zwarte Piet will be here soon,’ we heard the doorbell ring. My wife looked at me to ask, ‘Did you go to the neighbor already?’ I shook my head no. But my daughter – being three years old – was already at the door. She yelled ‘Yay!’ and whipped open the door. And there, standing in the doorway, was a guy with a black face, dark curly hair and a brightly colored red & yellow outfit. The outfit said ‘DHL Post.’

Now I don’t know whose decision it was to send this guy out delivering packages on the 5^th of December. But sure enough, my daughter was living the dream, her eyes filled with joy. I was looking at her, thinking, ‘Please, don’t say it...’ and moved towards her, but not quickly enough! She raised her hand and yelled, ‘Zwarte Piet!’

My wife and I were frozen, as the color drained from my face. Our eyes locked as we got whiter, and the DHL guy got redder. The American in me was paralyzed with shame: we’ve made my daughter a racist!’ But the Dutch part of me just said play along: ‘That’s right! It IS Zwarte Piet! Sometimes Papa has to sign Zwarte Piet’s Magic Clipboard! And Papa hopes Zwarte Piet never has to take the 5 December evening shift again.’

*

Consistently, after I tell that story onstage, I’ll have someone come up and ask if I made it up. ‘It’s not true, right? The part about your daughter pointing to a black person as Zwarte Piet?’ How could it not be true? It happens all the time.

At the ‘Zwart van Roet’ event, there were plenty of black Dutch people with the same story. One man said he was in a café in late November, when he found himself being laughed at. There was a four-year-old Dutch kid who’d called him Zwarte Piet. The man responded by telling the parents that people should know the difference: ‘No hat, no feather, no Piet!’ They just laughed at him. 

Another man had a kid point at him on the street and call him Zwarte Piet. He told the kid ‘I’m not buying presents for you.’ The man said the parents were so offended they wrote a letter to the newspaper claiming they had been victimized: ‘With that kind of attitude, this man is just asking for trouble.’

I’ve received similar feedback from telling my story online.

- 'These complainers are just hyper-correct white people or aggrieved descendants of slavery who look for a reason to complain. They're just the latest batch of moochers who would rather complain about nothing than do something with their lives.'

- ‘Every year, you people feel discriminated because of a little black makeup? Show a little character.’

- ‘Non-white people who complain should start their own tradition of dressing up in sandals and long hair because they’re all doing one big hippie imitation.’

And those were nice ones. Then there were these:

- ‘Shapiro, it’s simple. Follow our traditions or get out.’

- ‘To be honest, you sound like a twat. merry christmas numb nuts.’

(note: these comments were given anonymously or pseudonymously.) (note: they are reprinted with misspellings intact.) (note: the misspellings are not as bad as the comments left by some native speakers, so you can give them some credit.)

Further feedback highlights American holiday hypocrisy:

- ‘We’ll eliminate Sinterklaas, when you give up fat Santa.' 

- ‘How can Americans lecture us about Sinterklaas with their over-commercial Santa Claus? It’s like the Vatican lecturing us about child abuse.’

- ‘Santa Claus is helped by elves who are very small people. Is this not equally discriminatory?’

I’ve received so many comments that center on Santa’s elves that I feel I should point out a key distinction: an elf is modeled on a mythical creature. Zwarte Piet is not. For the comparison to hold true, the American tradition of Santa’s helpers would have to be some kind of ethnic Dutch stereotype. For that logic to hold up, Dutch people would have to be living in America and confronted at Christmastime with a character called, say, ‘Buck-Tooth Dutchie.’

Santa would always be accompanied by a bunch of Americans dressed up like Anky van Grunsven and dancing like horses. It may not be very flattering. Nor very accurate. And – when Dutch people would complain – the Americans would respond, ‘Don’t be silly! We love all you square-faced, square-teethed Dutch people. Now dance like a horse for us!’

*

The Zwarte Piet issue became clearer when Geert Wilders pulled out of the Dutch cabinet in 2012. There was a big headline in Spits, saying:

‘ZWARTE PIET VOOR WILDERS.’

To me, ‘Zwarte Piet for Widlers’ could only mean one thing: ‘Zwarte Piet Supports Wilders Politically.’ This seemed unlikely.

Or ‘ZWARTE PIET VOOR WILDERS’ could also mean a ‘Zwarte Piet is being given to Wilders,’ perhaps as a personal assistant. Then the black-face would offset the hair dye.

Or perhaps it was voor in the sense of before. As in  ‘We’d work with Zwarte Piet before we’d work with Wilders.’ That was closer to the truth. But also totally wrong.

I had to ask a Dutch friend of mine to explain it for me:

‘It’s obvious! “ZWARTE PIET VOOR WILDERS” means Wilders is taking the blame crashing the Cabinet.’

Me: ‘Okay. But why Zwarte Piet?’

Dutch guy: ‘It’s from the card game, when you end up with the Joker. That’s the Zwarte Piet.’

Me: ‘So Zwarte Piet is The Joker? That would be an interesting Batman remake…’

Dutch guy: ‘No, Zwarte Piet means you take the blame, you lose. You get the Zwarte Piet.’

Me: ‘Ah. And of course Zwarte Piet isn’t really black – he’s just painted black. So “Wilders Is Being Painted Black.” Like zwartmaken?’

Dutch guy: ‘Yes! Zwartmaken is bad, Wilders is bad.’

Me: ‘So Zwarte Piet is bad – ?’

Dutch guy: ‘NO! Zwarte Piet is good!’

Me: ‘But if zwartmaken is bad then making someone black is bad…’

Dutch guy: ‘Well, Zwarte Piet isn’t really black. It’s just the soot from the chimney!’

Me: ‘Okay! So what’s the bad part? The soot is bad?’

Dutch guy: ‘No.’

Me: ‘Okay! Then the black-face is bad?’

Dutch guy: ‘No.’

Me: ‘Okay! Then just BEING black is bad.’

Dutch guy: ‘Yeah …but in a good way.’

*

Back to the ‘Zwart van Roet’ event. The guy behind the ‘Zwarte Piet is Racisme’ T-shirts is Quinsy Gario. A highlight of the Great Zwarte Piet debate was Quinsy sitting next to Jeroen, the director of the kids show Sinterklaas Journaal. You’ve got to give Jeroen some credit for showing up. He started by giving a compliment: ‘Intelligent debate so far. I admit, I’d assumed you’d all be just a bunch of “Bijlmer types.”’ (The Bijlmer area is renown for its high concentration of African and Caribbean citizens.)

Good old Dutch honesty. And, thus, whatever credit he’d had was immediately thrown out the window.

Jeroen of Sinterklaas Journaal went on to insist that Dutch people do not see Zwarte Piet as black. He insisted: ‘It’s just the soot from the chimney.’
I wished for his sake that he’d have brought his lawyer along: ‘Jeroen, did you not see the poster for the event? Did you not read the title?’

Further, Jeroen denied that the makeup for Zwarte Piet is called ‘Neger Zwart.’ While they debated that point, we watched as the technician did a Google search on the big screen onstage. Again, Jeroen insisted: ‘It’s not called “Neger Zwart”.’ And onscreen we were looking at several examples of makeup called ‘Neger Zwart.’

By the end, Jeroen admitted that maybe the depiction of Zwarte Piet could be seen as offensive to ‘certain’ people. He admitted that next year they should do things differently: they should write in a few lines about how Zwarte Piet is not really black.

I watched this year’s Sinterklaas Journaal. I didn’t see anything about how Zwarte Piet is not really black.

Yet, I also noticed that my daughter grew out of her phase. She no longer confuses black people with Zwarte Piet. In fact, when she was watching the (white) actor Eric van Muiswinkel on TV, she recognized him as the Head Zwarte Piet, even without the makeup.

To be honest, my kids are now old enough they no longer believe in Zwarte Piet, and they no longer want to celebrate Sinterklaas. 

What’s to become of Zwarte Piet? At the ‘Zwart van Roet’ event, there was an organizer who told how he went around to all the shops on the Bijlmerplein and lobbied them to remove Zwarte Piet imagery from their windows. I couldn’t help thinking: ‘Why waste your time with Hema shop windows? The Hema headquarters is already at Bijlmerplein 355!’

It was by appealing to the management of Dutch confectioner Buys that they agreed to change the name of their traditional cookies ‘Neger Zoenen.’ (Zoenen means kisses.) (Neger you can guess.) After some pressure, the name of the chocolate covered marshmallow cookies was changed to simply ‘Zoenen.’ No shame, no blame. Just change the name.

Quinsy Gario ended his comments demanding that all Dutch people admit that Zwarte Piet is racism. I don’t see that happening. But I do see some signs of change. McDonalds had a whole ad campaign for a dessert with pepernoten – the traditional cookies thrown by Zwarte Piet. The ad featured a nighttime Amsterdam skyline, blanketed in snow. That was it. No Sinterklaas, no Zwarte Piet. It still got the point across.

But personally I hope Zwarte Piet won’t disappear. He really is great for business.

Artists Unite… and Tear Each Other Apart = part 2

Tonight is the opening of the Amsterdam Fringe. 

I just got back from the Edinburgh Fringe, and I’m eager to join in the buzz. I wonder if I should go hand out flyers for my show? (absolutely not)

The Edinburgh Fringe apparently had more shows than ever this year. And it was pretty crowded as far as I could tell. Yet I’ve never noticed the level of cutthroat turf battles I saw this year. 

- Int’l vs Fringe. Of course, it should be mentioned that the Fringe is itself a split-off from the International Festival. Now it’s much bigger than the Int’l Festival. But they’re cool.

- The Fringe vs. the Free Fringe. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is such a mecca for comedians that it’s largely become a comedy festival. By now there is a conglomerate of venues, known as The Big 4 – aka ‘The Commercial Fringe.’ The Pleasance, Gilded Balloon, Assembly and Underbelly are all gathered around the Univ. of Edinburgh’s Bristo Square.
BUT – as an alternative to the Commercial Fringe – there’s the Free Fringe. It’s a collective of venues who agree to pass the hat instead of charging admission. They’re now at least 10 years old and have more venues and shows than ever. Recently, they’re also racking up something new: awards. (see previous blog 25 august) 

- SO maybe it's not financially impossible to put on a show in Edinburgh... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23778487

- AND maybe the Free Fringe will bring balance and harmony? NOT QUITE. Now there are TWO free fringes: The PBH Free Fringe and the Laughing Horse Free Fringe. Why? Because PBH = Peter Buckley Hill, and he had a falling out with the other guy, who stole his idea and started the split-off. Enough bad blood? Not even close!

- The biggest, most awkward rift is the Assembly situation. The Assembly Rooms closed down a few years ago for renovations. The organizers relocated the Assembly to be part of the Big 4 – temporarily. Meanwhile, you may ask, aren’t there any resident comedy clubs in Edinburgh? Don’t they take part in the Fringe? Why, yes – there’s The Stand. By Edinburgh, for Edinburgh.

The Stand run the Assembly ROOMS. The Brits run the Assembly FESTIVAL (as well as the others in the Big 4)

And – quicker than you can say ‘Scottish nationalism’ – somehow The Stand moved into the renovated Assembly Rooms instead of the original Assembly. The British owner of the Assembly name took his Eton-educated haughtiness straight to the Edinburgh city council and was reportedly laughed out of the building. Keeping his stiff, properly British upper lip, the Assembly changed its name to the Assembly Festival – with their own guide - and the Assembly Rooms also have their own guide.
The Assembly Festival has its traditional Spiegel Tent. The Assembly Rooms have recreated their old Spiegel Tent – known as the ‘Famous Spiegel Tent.’ The result of all this bitter rivalry is a lot of pissed-off punters showing up at the wrong place and wasting thousands of Pounds, giving the entire festival a bad name.

Hopefully, the Amsterdam Fringe will never succumb to such petty in-fighting. BUT – I just found out the show where I agreed to perform tonight is not part of the Fringe, but part of the Amsterdam Free Fringe… 
http://www.mezrab.nl/ 

I brought this to the attention of the Fringe director Anneke, and she said ‘the more the merrier! Tell them next time to answer their emails, and we’ll include them in the listings!’
I’ll tell them. 

http://www.amsterdamfringefestival.nl/

Artists Unite… and Tear Each Other Apart = part 1

Artists Unite… and Tear Each Other Apart = part 1

I love the Uitmarkt in Amsterdam. It’s Free Preview Weekend to kick off the theater season… and a chance for artists to elbow each other. 

I performed at Sugar Factory and brought flyers for my 3 different projects. A new record! But I also had the audacity to hand out flyers in public. At the festival. Where people go around collecting flyers. I was quickly reminded by Uitmarkt staff that this was not allowed. I asked why? Apparently my flyers were not allowed in that specific area (the high-budget productions).

Luckliy, there was also the Uitmarkt Book Festival, and I also had flyers for my book. Here, I was also told flyering was not allowed. This year for the first time, the Uitmarkt Book Festival is merging with Manuscripta – the annual festival to open the literary season. Publishers taking part in Manuscripta pay to get in. So I was basically mooching. I felt bad, since the current theme in Dutch publishing is crisis & cutbacks. I did take a moment to shout out loud – ‘Of course you’re not selling anything – YOU’RE PUBLISHING IN DUTCH!’ Other than being the 37^th biggest language in the world, it’s just awful to listen to. I love the Dutch people – they’re the ones who legalized euthanasia. So why not let the Dutch language die already?

Meanwhile, the AmsterdamFringe is back in town, and there’s plenty of English / LNP (Language No Problem). Kickoff is tonight – see you there.

http://www.amsterdamfringefestival.nl/

EDINBURGH FRINGINESS WINNING

Edinburgh Fringiness Winning

Greg Scott Shapiro 25 August, 2013

The Edinburgh Comedy Awards 2013 are a grand triumph for anyone who’s been worried that the Fringe is too commercial. In my mind, this proves the real Fringe is back.

BEST SHOW - BRIDGET CHRISTIE
BEST NEWCOMER – JOHN KEARNS

PANEL PRIZE ‘SPIRIT OF THE FRINGE’ – ADRIENNE TRUSCOTT

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-23808788

Consider: Bridget Christie’s show ‘A Bic for Her’ is on at 11.05am. It’s a rant on feminism (that doesn’t sacrifice angry for funny).

Consider: John Kearns ‘Sight Gags for Perverts’ is on at 17.05. It’s on at the PBH Free Fringe. Last year’s Best Newcomer Daniel Simonsen also came from the Free Fringe, didn’t he? Commercial productions be damned.

Consider: Adrienne Truscott’s show ‘Asking for It – a One-Lady Comedy about Rape Starring her Pussy and Little Else’ is as much performance art as it is comedy. The Truscott character is Adrienne Wau of the Wau Wau Sisters cabaret act. I spoke to her (having missed her show, F**k me) about her 5-star reviews, and she said she was totally surprised. Apparently, she’d heard one too many rape jokes and decided to do a show about it. Her message: ‘Dudes, if you’re going to make rape jokes, then at least make smart jokes.’

Shapiro L-R with Adrienne Wau, David Quirk, Zoe Lyons 

We spoke about performance art inspirations like Karen Finley & Annie Sprinkle. Perhaps that’s how she got the idea to perform the show naked from the waist down and to use her body as a canvas for projections. Appropriately, she also won the Malcolm Hardee Award for Comic Originality. When I spoke to her, she said she’s busy enough with the Sisters (they’re actual sisters). An she has no plans to continue Adrienne Truscott. But now that may change.

Also consider the venue where Truscott performed: ‘Heroes at Bob’s Bookshop.’ This is so free fringy it’s not even part of the official Free Fringe. It's a project started up by Bob Slayer, who's so alternative even alternative comedy doesn't know what to do with him. It’s in a bookshop. A small bookshop. You can tell how uncomfortable it was for male reviewers:

http://www.chortle.co.uk/shows/edinburgh_fringe_2013/a/21434/adrienne_truscotts_asking_for_it%3A_a_one-lady_rape_about_comedy_starring_her_pussy_and_little_else!?review=3545

Apparently, this year’s Edinburgh Comedy Award panel had a hard time choosing. This is the first time in awhile there were 7 acts on the Shortlist for Best Show. (Personally, I had a hard time believing a couple of these names were on here.) Here’s who Bridget beat out:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-23785748

Thanks to David Quirk for introducing me to Adrienne. Thanks to Facebook & Stewart Lee for introducing me to Bridget Christie.

Coming soon: Where should I put on my show at Fringe 2014? There are at least 3 Turf Wars going on – which  side to choose?  

The ‘Worst Show Ever’ – It Was Great

The ‘Worst Show Ever’ – It Was Great

Who would dare to invite people to the worst show ever? Yesterday a group of comedians got together to share their stories of the times when everything goes wrong, but the show must go on. It was sparsely attended but greatly appreciated. In fact, we may have invented a recurring format.

I was asked by MC Theater to organize an MC Tori (Surinamese for Story), a series of stories on a theme. Some of my favorite stories are the ones I hear backstage at a comedy event, when comedians try to top each other with the play-by-play of the worst gigs. ‘The Worst Show Ever’ is not about off-nights, jokes that don’t work, audiences that aren’t in the mood. Those are the lame shows.

The Worst Shows transcend all that and become great stories. Sometimes there’s a complete lack of planning, like when the promoter says ‘Start performing, and people will come watch,’ and you do your warmup for zero people. Other times, people stick to the plan too rigidly. Like the wedding where the DJ is supposed to play a special dedication for 2 special guests. But when the one who catches the bouquet happens to be a 14 year-old girl, and the guy who catches the garter belt is a 40 year-old loner, do you really have to play Marvin Gaye ‘Let’s Get it On?’

MY QUESTION was - would comedians want to share their stories in public? I was lucky enough to get some veteran Amsterdam comedians together.

(Bob Maclaren is Hawkeye here, but he couldn't make it Sunday.) (Rob is apparently Black Widow.) 

- Favorite StefanPop: performing for a Kids with Cancer event, having to do comedy directly after an extended story of a tragic 8 month-old who didn't make it.

- Favorite MaartenvanHinte: performing 'Scarface' theater piece (18+) in front of a last-minute addition to the audience, a group of 13 year-olds.

- Favorite Rob Andristplourde: performing a corporate event for the rebranding of Amsterdam WTC in 2005, with the edict: 'Do not mention Osama bin Laden.' Opening the show, the audience yells out 'Osama bin Laden!'

- Favorite JeffreySpalburg: FATU. The one where you make 500 people laugh their asses off. But there’s the 1 guy who frowns the whole time. He comes up to you after the show and gives you a lecture: ‘Your material needs nuance.‘

- My favorite story from WilkoTerwijn: the girl in the front row who threw a glass at his head 30 seconds into a show.  Afterward, he got a letter from the girl’s mother. Blaming him.

And I told the story of the corporate event when the organizer wanted us to combine role-play with improv. It sounded okay. He wanted us to portray the bosses from the New York office, telling everyone they were fired and then say: ‘Kidding!’ Not the best way to kick off a comedy show. They threw fruit at us, glassware broke onstage. And – to be honest – we deserved it.
And I didn’t even get to the story about portraying Osama for a NATO conference. Or dressing up as Sinterklaas and performing in a KLM 747. Or the show where some overzealous cameraman literally caught with my pants down.

I am honored to have been asked by MC Theater to organize. I am honored to have so much experience up there onstage to choose from. I hope I even helped make a statement about the arts in Amsterdam right now. Yes, there’s a crisis. Yes, funding is being cut. And – while theaters like Engelenbak say ‘Fuck you, then. We’re closing…’ There are some theaters, like MC Theater, who have their funding cut and say ‘Fuck you, we’re doing it anyway.’ I’m glad there were representatives of so many Amsterdam comedy institutions to get acquainted with the MC.

For good measure, I asked MC Theater for a stage set on the theme ‘Best Green Room Ever.’ They gave us a real dressing room with huge cooler full of beers – and fried chicken to close the show. Well done, MC Theater. Well done.

 http://www.mconline.nl/mconline/index.xql?id=/mc/producties/tori/mctori20122013

Daniel Kitson, ‘After the Beginning, Before the End’
(seen at Toomler 24 June, 2013)

http://www.danielkitson.com/Site/Kitson.html

Daniel Kitson has a bit of a cult following, particularly among the cult called 'Comedians.' When it was announced that he’d be playing a one-off of his show in Amsterdam on a Monday, the word spread as quickly as the expectations. He did not disappoint.

‘After the Beginning, Before the End’ features Kitson, sitting onstage behind a couple samplers. He accompanies himself with a minimalist soundtrack. His through-line is a recorded line of dialogue that gets longer every time. Technically, it wasn’t ‘stand-up comedy.’ It was much closer to what the Dutch would call ‘Cabaret,’ to what many people would call ‘performance art.’ It reminded me of the shows I’d go see in Edinburgh: early Simon Munnery or Noble & Silver.

To start things off, Kitson analyzes time-honored aphorisms, such as ‘You can’t take it with you’ and gets strong laughs:

‘They say “You can’t take it with you.” Meaning you can’t take your money with you, and you should spend more time on your loving relationships. But you know what else you can’t take with you? Loving relationships.’ After setting up & knocking down a number of them, Kitson concludes: ‘If it’s snappy, it’s crappy.’

Kitson thus begins the wonderful theme of his show, which is to question everything. His show felt like a comedy version of Rene Descartes presenting ‘Discourse on the Method:’ all we truly know is we are thinking at this moment ‘I think, therefore I am.’ Kitson questions if his own feelings about people are genuine. Are his feelings about himself genuine? Is his definition of self at all accurate? Why do people remember things about him that he’s edited out long ago? Miraculously, Kitson manages to tease out the Big Questions into genuine laughs. It’s like Louis CK’s bit with his daughter asking him ‘Why?’ But in this show Kitson is doing the asking. And he really does not stop.

What is The Self?

‘My definition of Self is based on a collection of memories. Which ones do I keep? And which ones do I conveniently edit out?’

He encounters a new fizzy drink, which he likes but doesn’t know why. He stops and meditates and realizes it’s because of a memory he’d shut out long ago, involving him essentially sucking on garbage.

At one point Kitson even admits he may have taken his self-analysis too far:

‘I bought a video projector and one of the bulbs broke. So I decided to take it all apart and see how it worked. And after I took the not-appropriate tool and had all the pieces spread out across my living room rug with some key pieces missing, I realized I’d never be able to put it all together again. Now it sits in a box in my loft gathering dust. I feel like I’ve done the same thing with my psyche.’

What is Truth? If everyone experiences everything differently, how can there be any universal truth? Is there any such thing as objectivity, when everyone’s version of events is so hopelessly corrupted by selective memory?

The show ends with the conclusion of the through-line story, whose narrator is – of course – unreliable. At least that’s the way Kitson remembers it.

It was a great show, and apparently he’s only got a couple performances left. Thankfully there were so many members of the Amsterdam comedy scene on hand to witness it. He raised the bar for everyone.

 Daniel Kitson, Comedian ‘After the Beginning, Before the End’

(seen at Toomler 24 June, 2013)

Daniel Kitson has a bit of a cult following, particularly among the cult of comedians. When it was announced that he’d be playing his one-off of his show in Amsterdam on a Monday, the word spread as quickly as the expectations. He did not disappoint.

‘After the Beginning, Before the End’ features Kitson, sitting onstage behind a couple samplers. He accompanies himself with a minimalist soundtrack. His through-line is a recorded line of dialogue that gets longer every time. Technically, it wasn’t ‘stand-up comedy.’ It was much closer to what the Dutch would call ‘Cabaret,’ to what many people would call ‘performance art.’ It reminded me of the shows I’d go see in Edinburgh: early Simon Munnery or Noble & Silver.

To start things off, Kitson analyzes time-honored aphorisms, such as ‘You can’t take it with you’ and gets strong laughs:

‘They say “You can’t take it with you.” Meaning you can’t take your money with you, and you should spend more time on your loving relationships. But you know what else you can’t take with you? Loving relationships.’ After setting up & knocking down a number of them, Kitson concludes: ‘If it’s snappy, it’s crappy.’

Kitson thus begins the wonderful theme of his show, which is to question everything. His show felt like a comedy version of Rene Descartes presenting ‘Discourse on the Method:’ all we truly know is we are thinking at this moment ‘I think, therefore I am.’ Kitson questions if his own feelings about people are genuine. Are his feelings about himself genuine? Is his definition of self at all accurate? Why do people remember things about him that he’s edited out long ago? Miraculously, Kitson manages to tease out the Big Questions into genuine laughs. It’s like Louis CK’s bit with his daughter asking him ‘Why?’ But in this show Kitson is doing the asking. And he really does not stop.

What is The Self?

‘My definition of Self is based on a collection of memories. Which ones do I keep? And which ones do I conveniently edit out?’

He encounters a new fizzy drink, which he likes but doesn’t know why. He stops and meditates and realizes it’s because of a memory he’d shut out long ago, involving him essentially sucking on garbage.

At one point Kitson even admits he may have taken his self-analysis too far:

‘I bought a video projector and one of the bulbs broke. So I decided to take it all apart and see how it worked. And after I took the not-appropriate tool and had all the pieces spread out across my living room rug with some key pieces missing, I realized I’d never be able to put it all together again. Now it sits in a box in my loft gathering dust. I feel like I’ve done the same thing with my psyche.’

What is Truth? If everyone experiences everything differently, how can there be any universal truth? Is there any such thing as objectivity, when everyone’s version of events is so hopelessly corrupted by selective memory?

The show ends with the conclusion of the through-line story, whose narrator is – of course – unreliable. At least that’s the way Kitson remembers it.

It was a great show, and apparently he’s only got a couple performances left. Thankfully there were so many members of the Amsterdam comedy scene on hand to witness it. He raised the bar for everyone.